I’ve talked about my fiancé, James, quite a bit on this blog. And that’s for a few reasons. 

The number one reason is that he has been the best kind of support I could ask for. Overcoming disordered eating patterns and exercise addiction are two very difficult things to do. And as I’ve navigated this treacherous road I’ll be the first to admit that I wasn’t always the easiest person to be around. I was anxious whenever faced with food, I was hangry most of the time, I was obsessed with getting a workout in, I was nervous when James would do the cooking, and I was just plain irritable a lot of the time. 

I’ve been so, so lucky to have the family, friends, and fiancé that I have. What I just described above can’t even come close to the version of me that my friends and family saw six or seven years ago, before I even met James. But somehow, despite my short-fuse and wild emotions my roommates, closest friends, and family stuck by me. I know that isn’t the case for many who struggle with challenges similar to those that I faced, and often times people will come out on the other side of recovery feeling lost without the special relationships that we all need in life. So, to all of you who put up with me and stuck by me (you know who you are), thank you. I’ll always stick by your sides, too. 

As I’ve talked about in pervious posts, before deciding to go “all in” and change my lifestyle for good, I had been in an “okay” place for quite a while. What that looked like was this… A thin woman who was physically healthy enough, but was obsessed with workouts, wouldn’t take a day off, was an anxious mess around food (but was getting better at hiding it), and had a pretty rigid diet. During that time I met, began dating, got engaged to, and moved in with James. 

He saw it all up close. My anxiety, my obsession, my rigidity, my bathroom scale that came everywhere with us, my struggle to fight the demons in my mind. He was so patient and so kind throughout it all, and when I finally decided to change my lifestyle he was my number one supporter. I remember sitting down with him and telling him that I was done listening to my eating disorder’s voice and that I was going to rip the band-aid off and change. I told him that my body would probably get bigger, that I might have meltdowns, and that all of this would be really, really difficult for me. His response? “I’m excited!” 

He was excited because he knew that I was being held captive by my restrictive, and obsessive thoughts and he was excited for me to be free. And though he’d never say it, he was probably also excited that I was choosing to give up the things that had to have made me difficult to live with at times…

I tell him frequently how much his continued support means to me. But what he might not know is that when I decided to change my lifestyle, I modeled it after his. 

You see, James is the perfect example of someone who practices balance. Someone who has fun, but is also disciplined. Who eats what he wants, but is conscious of nutrition. Who likes a schedule, but makes room for spontaneity. Who holds himself accountable for his goals, but is gentle with himself if they become unrealistic. 

Being with James, and especially living with him, gave me the clearest picture of what I wanted my own life to look like. I’ve learned SO much from being with him, but here are a few of the biggest lessons…

Be kind to your body: 

Stretch, foam roll, be active a lot of the time and be a couch potato some of the time. If something hurts, give it attention and rest. Never try and run through an injury, and always err on the side of caution. 

A perfect example of this is when James and I were both training for the same marathon. Our long run that week was 17 miles. His calf was hurting, and he was worried he had strained it. Could he have run through it? Yeah, probably. But he chose to ride his bike while I ran that weekend and to take a whole week completely off from running. As a result, he was good as new with plenty of time before the marathon. Much smarter than the girl who ran a 5k on a broken leg… 

Food is fuel, but it’s also fun: 

Eat food that makes you feel good, helps you to perform well, and makes you happy. Food isn’t so scary. Your body will tell you when it’s hungry. Eat enough always, eat too much sometimes, and enjoy the birthday cake.

James, aside from being vegetarian since he was a kid, has no food rules. He enjoys fruit and vegetables, beans and nuts, french fries and ice cream. He almost always chooses to meal prep/cook things that are nutritious and whole, but he also tried out every pizza place in Asheville and the surrounding area to find the best cheese pizza around. He likes to go out to dinner and order fried pickles with his beer, or to get a chocolate milk shake on a hot day. He’s never jumped on a diet trend, if he’s hungry after finishing his meal he’ll go for seconds or thirds or fourths, and he gets genuinely excited to try new things without carefully examining the nutrition label first. And then he moves on and his mind isn’t consumed for the rest of the day with the calorie content of that flakey & buttery biscuit he ate for breakfast. 

Exercise is important but it’s not everything: 

James likes to be active. He’s run lots of marathons and a handful of ultras. Exercise is important to him because he knows it’s good for his body, and it’s enjoyable for him. But you know what’s really cool? Sometimes he doesn’t want to exercise, or he makes other plans that don’t allow for it, or he gets really caught up in the workday and just doesn’t have the time or energy for it. And he’s ok with that. He just gets back to it the next day, or whenever it makes sense to. When he doesn’t get a workout in, he’s not filled with anxiety, he’s not irritable, he’s not consumed with the thought of not having burned calories. 

Challenge yourself, but within reason: 

Find out what you’re capable of. Some pain (the right kind of pain) is good. Follow your training plan. Set goals. But be smart. 

James likes to challenge himself to see what he’s capable of, but he never pushes himself past his limits. He’ll train and run for a 50k through the mountains in Oregon, but he knows when enough is enough. He doesn’t seem to think that more is better, or that choosing the 20-miler over the 50-miler makes you any lesser human. 

Make running as fun as possible

Explore. Smile. See new places. Cross new finish lines. Be with friends. 

Running is tough. Sometimes we get that runners high, but often it is a challenging sport/form of exercise. But it’s also so much fun when you let go of things like burning calories, hitting a certain pace, and being obsessed/addicted to it. James has taught me to smile and laugh my way through a run, to stop looking at the pace on my watch (unless I’m doing a workout or training seriously), and to explore new places even if the route isn’t as “runnable” as my go-to route. He’s taught me that it’s important to pause and take in the beauty when we’re trail running through the mountains, and he’s shown me that running with a group, even if they are running slower than I’d typically run on my own, is fun and allows me to meet some really interesting people. 

I’ve learned from A LOT of different people over the years. There have been plenty of family members and friends who have inspired me to live more freely and who have taught me valuable lessons about fueling my body, training properly, and finding balance. James isn’t the only one who has been an example of these things, but he has been the greatest force in driving my journey these past several months. And he might not even realize it. 

So… thank you, James. I’m so happy to be running, eating, and laughing through life with you.