“I don’t know how you run. I hate running.”

How many times have we all heard that?

I think the reason we hear that so often is because running is HARD.

As a runner I have no problem admitting that sometimes running is uncomfortable, painful, mentally and physically taxing, and totally dreadful. But it’s not always that way, and the more we train properly (remembering that proper training also means proper fueling) the fewer and farther between those dreadful runs become. And as those really terrible runs become less frequent, the really good runs become more of the norm. They can become so good, in fact, that they can give you a high.

That’s right, the “runners’ high” that we’ve all heard about and most of you reading this probably know well. To me, the runners’ high feels like bliss. A total relaxation of my body and mind, feeling completely at peace, any pain and discomfort gone. A state of eternal optimism and the feeling that I can run for days.

And to all you runners out there who think you are crazy for experiencing and/or believing in the runners’ high, you aren’t. It’s very real. According to WebMD, “Runners’ high’ is a phrase that we use to describe the feelings of psychological well-being that are associated quite often with long-duration, rhythmic-type exercise. Psychologically, runners may experience euphoria, a feeling of being invincible, a reduced state of discomfort or pain, and even a loss in sense of time while running.”

The runners’ high not only feels good, but it is also incredibly rewarding. You have gotten to a point where running (the activity that serves as a punishment for many other athletes…) feels blissful and leaves you wanting more. We know that running is a great way to stay active, to challenge yourself, to boost your mood, and improve overall mental and physical well-being. So the idea that you are actually craving those miles and feeling like you NEED them is exciting. Until is becomes a problem.

Just like any other high, the runners high can be addictive. I read in the article, The Science Behind Runners’ High and What to do if You’re Addicted that many doctors and scientists have actually found that opioid production occurs during intense aerobic exercise. So, the there is a link between the physical processes of opioid use disorder and exercise addiction. Psychologist Elizabeth Hartney writes that the runners’ high “is caused by changes in the body and brain that occur during exercise, which may be similar to the processes that happen when people take opioid drugs, such as heroin. ”

Of course, the dangers of a runners high vs the dangers of heroin are vastly different and running is not something to fear for most. Regular exercise is important for overall health, and most do not need to be worried about becoming addicted. But I feel it is important to recognize that there is science backing up how a runners’ high can lead to a running/exercise addiction, especially if you are someone who has a history of addiction, or say, and eating disorder.

The runners’ high/exercise addiction is something that I know very well. In my years struggling with an eating disorder and even in the years after I was weight restored, I was dependent on exercise not only because it burned calories, but because it helped me to control the negative emotions that I’d feel if I didn’t work out. If I didn’t get a morning sweat session in I would feel withdrawals, and those withdrawals came with guilt, anxiety and irritability, and left me distracted and not so fun to be around (I know my family and friends would agree). It wasn’t worth it, so i’d always (always!) work out.

I was never working out more than an hour or 2 each morning, but it is important to clarify that having an exercise addiction/dependence does not necessarily mean you are someone who exercises incessantly. It is not the duration of exercise you engage in so much as it is your attitude towards the exercise and the emotions tied to it. It is when you are using exercise as a way to alter your mood.

The idea of going a day without a run or other intense morning workout (“intense” meaning something that got my heart rate up and made me sweat) was anxiety inducing. So much so that even on days where I was sick, or felt an injury coming on, or if I was on vacation, or if it was Christmas, I’d surely be getting out for my morning run.

Every plan I made was based on my workout, and things like going on vacation stressed me out. I avoided booking morning plane tickets, I chose hotels that had a fitness center, and I would get up before the sun to get my workout in before the day with family or friends started. I knew that the guilt, anxiety, and stress that not working out would cause me was not worth it.

I maintained that lifestyle for years before I finally decided that I had enough. I was missing out on too much and I was tired of exercise having a hold on me. It had so much power, the way it messed with my emotions and had the potential to ruin my whole day (I know that probably sounds dramatic, but it is entirely accurate). I decided to take that power away, and at first it was really, really hard.

The day I decided that I was going to run only a few days each week and wasn’t going to exercise if it interfered with something else (a family vacation, a busy day with James, an extra busy day at work, a day I just wanted to sleep in) was the same day that I traded in my disordered eating patterns for food freedom. And it was all so empowering. I told James, knowing that the accountability and support were important for me and he was very excited about this lifestyle change, which helped a lot.

My first week or so of this change was difficult, and the mornings that I didn’t work out left me with that withdrawal and guilt I talked about earlier. But after that initial week or two, I realized that at the end of the day I wasn’t thinking about the fact that I hadn’t run, or about how I didn’t burn calories, or about how tomorrow I’d have to run double to make up for it. Instead, I wasn’t thinking about exercise at all. I was just living my life, and I felt happy.

Giving up this addiction made room for spontaneity, excitement over planning trips, relationship building, lazy mornings, and most importantly it gave me freedom. When I was addicted to exercise I felt strong when I’d workout and weak when I didn’t. Now, I feel strong when I listen to my body. And sometimes, my body wants me to get moving, but other times it want’s me to just relax.

When I am preparing for a race, things will look a bit different. I’ll probably be following a training plan and might have to go out and run on days I’m not really feeling like it… I’ll be dedicated to that plan, but I will forever hold on to this mentality that exercise needs to be a balance, and I will not give it the power to control my emotions or run my life.

If you think you might be struggling with an exercise addiction, I recommend checking out this article. If you feel like you can relate to the descriptions there and feel that you could benefit from talking with someone who has been there, visit my mentoring page and schedule a free consultation!